Scito te ipsum

“Parents who prevent their children from entering religion sin mortally. To turn one from a religious vocation is nothing else than to slay Jesus Christ in the heart of another.”

--- St. Jerome

“Let parents consider what a great honor it is to see their son elevated to the priesthood, or their daughter consecrate her virginity to her Divine Spouse.”

--- Pope Pius XII, Sacra virginitas

Intellectually I know the decision is ultimately in God's hands, but recently these song lyrics come to mind a lot:

If

I could've been what I could've been

I could've been somethin'

If my destiny had been up to me

I would've been somethin'...

If they had just let me go

Where I was rarin' to go

When I was rarin' to go back then...

God only knows

What I could've been

--- "What I Could've Been" by Stephen Schwartz

AA - It's Not Just for Alcoholics

Former male prostitute and stripper is active priest, many protestant ministers have become priests, constant stories about vocations of men much older than me, former pagan religious becomes priest, Church promoting the permanent diaconate even more, and I can go on and on and on...

While I do think it is wonderful that the gain is for the Church in her great need for more priests, I can only personally still feel the anger that I admit envelopes me in darkness. I find it hard to look to the light. I'll never understand why my diocese would not even talk to me or offer any other direction and I'm so angry about being "too old" for 100% of the non-diocesan religious orders I have enquired to.

I have what I call my own personal AA - Anger and Anguish. I am in a constant state of flux between one and the other, rarely, if ever, experiencing both simultaneously. The anguish is extremely emotionally and spiritually painful. I have currently been in the Anger phase the last couple of weeks. The anger isn't good, but at least it eclipses the anguish.

Guaranteed Ways to Make Sure You're Always Lonely and Alone

1. Having parents that don’t want you


2. Go to a 12 step fellowship retreat without being part of the gangs that are there and actually tell people you’re lonely


3. Have the Church reject your vocation and refuse to offer direction


4. Have all religious orders tell you you’re too old to join for the priesthood


5. Be a middle-aged single man and watch the members of the religious order of the chapel you’ve attended for years make the rounds to only greet young people and families and skip by you


6. Be under successful


7. Be over successful


8. Go to work and try to do a good job

Vacant Interior Castles

While waiting in the barber shop yesterday, my barber received some extra assistance as my hair stood on end after reading a sad article in my town's local newspaper. I was dismayed to read that the Community of Teresian Carmelites has lost their recognition from our diocese and bishop, Robert J. McManus. I am ashamed to admit that although I've known of them for a very long time and they happen to be practically around the corner from my home of 17 years, I have never personally investigated them (I highly respect Carmelite spirituality, but it's not a path for me). What makes my hair stand on end? The stated diocesan reason for the loss of canonical status" "...the group was too small to spiritually sustain itself and there was little possibility of growth."

This happened quite a few years ago to the Monks of Adoration that originally formed in my diocese and moved to Florida where they found new recognition.

I do not pretend to understand the inner workings of a diocese, the unfortunate necessity of business that comes with it or the dealings both in and outside a religious community. But in a Church where the pursuit of vocation is at such a low, I cannot understand why dedication to one's vocation in the roughest of times increasingly seems to meet with disapproval. One would think the Biblical response would be to help carry the cross instead of the denial of Peter!

I guess I have to comment because I see this in relation to my own long anguish of the diocese refusing to offer spiritual guidance and vocation discernment. I admit I still have a hard time letting go.

(said of God): If this is the way you treat your friends, it's no wonder you have so few! --St. Teresa of Avila

Feast of the Assumption of Mary

Today is the Feast of the Assumption (Dormition in Eastern Church).

Could this day not be any happier unless it was Easter? Worship in Joy!

O people of Christ, let us acclaim her today in sacred song, acknowledge our own good fortune and proclaim it. Let us honour her in nocturnal vigil; let us delight in her purity of soul and body, for she next to God surpasses all in purity. It is natural for similar things to glory in each other. --St. John Damascene

Mary, then, has left this world; she is now in heaven. Thence does this compassionate Mother look down upon us who are still in this valley of tears. She pities us, and, if we wish it, promises to help us. Let us always beseech her... --St. Alphonsus Liguori

See the beauty of the daughter of Jerusalem, who ascended to heaven like the rising sun at dawn. -- Benedictus antiphon from Daily Office

It is surely fitting, it was becoming, that she should be taken up into heaven and not lie in the grave until Christ's second coming, who had passed a life of sanctity and of miracles such as hers....Who can conceive that God should so repay the debt, which He considered to owe to His Mother for the elements of His human Body, as to allow the flesh and blood from which it was teken to molder in the grave? Or who can conceive that that virginal frame which never sinned, was to undergo the death of a sinner?... --Venerable Pope Pius XII

Loving Mother of the Redeemer,

Gate of heaven, star of the sea,
Assist your people

who have fallen yet strive to rise again.

To the wonderment of nature you bore your Creator,

yet remained a virgin after as before.

You who received Gabriel's joyful greeting,

have pity on us, poor sinners.

The earthly heaven takes up her dwelling in a heavenly and imperishable land. ... The gates of heaven were opened wide and the angels sang, as Christ received the virgin treasure of His own Mother. (Orthros [Morning Prayer] Ode 4 following Hypacoi)

More Than Just Modesty

...continued from previous post.

Keep in mind that no one rationally believes that clothing should remain unchanged since Biblical times, the middle-ages or the nineteenth century. I find it hard to imagine trying to be comfortable in some old fabrics or styles of long ago or trying to stay either cool or warm. I also think it would cause quite a stir showing up to work or church in a tunic! I like my modern comfort and styles; but that is no reason to sacrifice modesty, taste or reverence.

Discussions concerning Christian principles of modesty and propriety in dress invariably turn to debate about proper attire for public worship.

The sub-topic of “what particularly is ‘correct’ dress for church,” “if it should be gender specific” and “how casual or formal should we be” are just some of the copiously written sub-topics relating to decorous church apparel.

It sometimes seems there are limitless debates concerning this in cyberspace alone. Participating in one or simply just reading it shows the apparent danger how sometimes (but not always) the most careful discussion of the matter can fall into danger of becoming an unending debate and an almost circular argument.

All opinions can be grouped into just two basic divisions:

1. those that believe that it does make a difference what we wear to church and
   
2. those that believe it does not matter what we wear to church (unless it is an issue of modesty)

In the first group we have the often used, but still very valid, arguments which basically state how if you are willing to dress up for a secular event, can God deserve no less? It is rhetorically presented that if you think it is alright to wear shorts, jeans, tee-shirts, etc. to church, then “would you care if I dressed that way for your wedding?” You would wear your best clothes to meet the U.S. president, go to Buckingham Palace or even attend a Hollywood premiere – does God deserve any less? (I remember reading one priest’s writing how he believed most people would dress better to visit a drug lord than they would at Sunday mass). It is difficult to argue with that!

Despite the current casual nature of our culture, we still attempt some type of proper dress for many secular/social events. The frivolity or solemnity of these events varies: weddings, parties, funerals, anniversaries, graduations, award presentations to list only a few. Arriving as an invited wedding guest in old jeans or shorts and a tee-shirt is not only going raise the eyebrows of the other guests, but will usually be taken as an insult to the bride & groom and their families! This is because it is still generally understood that when we dress for an occasion, the predominant reason is out of respect.

I had a related experience with this not too long ago. I recently traveled to join other family members for a weekend celebration of my father’s birthday. When we went out for a pre-birthday modest dinner, I attempted to dress nice without formality (dress pants, new dress shirt, tie). Unfortunately, my father laughed at it and poked fun at me a few times for what I thought was unassuming dress up. Once past the emotional devastation, I realized he didn’t understand the sole reason I dressed the way I did was out of love and total respect for him. I personally lean on the side of advocating nice dress for church on those reasons alone: love and respect.

Your adornment should not be an external one: braiding the hair, wearing gold jewelry, or dressing in fine clothes, but rather the hidden character of the heart, expressed in the imperishable beauty of a gentle and calm disposition, which is precious in the sight of God. (1 Peter 3: 3-5 NAB)

Many in the second group listed could quickly find not only the backing of how they feel about casual dress for mass, but almost take the above verse as a literal mandate from St. Peter. God “looks at my heart, not my clothes” or “knows what’s in my heart,” “it's not how we look, it's how we are” and “a person's true beauty comes from within” are all examples of the common points made by those that believe that lesser quality of their garments is of no importance when worshipping in church. Many will point out how they come from backgrounds where there may have existed an un-Christian like social stigma for those not able to economically dress as well as others.

In an older post about dressing for church, Protestant blogger Gerry Charlotte Phelps once wrote about an encounter she had while on her way to church. She met a poorly dressed man who apparently wanted to attend church but was hindered by his lack of having clothing that was better than what he was currently wearing. She rightfully pondered the tactless behavior of some people making Sunday worship a “fashion show” while making congregants that were less stylish and/or more economically humble feel unwelcome or conspicuous.

I am certainly no stranger to circumstances where economic limitations can force you to feel bad about what little you have, especially in dress! Among the scores of emotional outlooks that taunt most of us in early adolescence, I had a heaping dose of teenage self-consciousness. I still remember an anguished moment in time when the day arrived I didn’t have any article of clothing to fit me that was neither torn nor ragged. Because of silly adolescent pride, I tried not to show that such a thing could bother me (but it did and it forced tears I tried desperately to suppress). I didn’t leave the house for days and foolishly kept myself sequestered until my father would arrive on a weekend visit (it was summer so I didn’t have to show myself at school!). Then, I felt I mortified myself by asking him to buy clothes for me.

Carefully considering the above entirely, it all leads to what should really be one of the main concerns here: pride. Being one of the capital sins is not enough for pride; it is often referred as “the sin of sins.” Pride is the sin of the Devil, the first sin committed and the root of original sin. Never suffer pride to reign in thy mind, or in thy words: for from it all perdition took its beginning. (Tob. 4:14)

There is nothing more I can write about pride since Scripture, Itself, is clear about it in many places. It deserves a much more comprehensive concentration which has already been done by the likes of St. Augustine, St. Thomas Aquinas, and many others beyond my inadequate capabilities.

“Pride is the excessive love of one's own excellence.” This is a great danger someone may fall into concerning dressing for church. In making our church apparel part of a weekly fashion show, or worse, having unkind thoughts and opinions of those that cannot dress the same, are we not exalting ourselves in public and in our minds with the pride of vanity? How relevant here is the teaching of Luke 18:9-14.

There is a flipside to this, though! What about the individual that stops himself going to mass simply because he feels his attire is not as fine as others’? How about my own recollection above; was I not guilty of being too proud to be seen in an honest wardrobe I feared others would not socially accept me for? This other side has been referred to as the pride of timidity. In one aspect of this we accommodate our social trepidations of being rejected by man’s respect, putting it above virtue.

So which way do we go? Which is right? Though it sounds ambiguous, I believe the answer is both.

Despite my personal distaste for the errancy of spiritual relativism, this doesn’t quite fit into that category. Therefore, I find myself stating that what one wears physically to worship at Sunday mass is relative to the personal situation.

I wear a nice quality dress shirt, pants, and tie to mass because I am able to! I cannot afford a designer or high quality tailored suit. I cannot pretend to affirm I know all that the Lord wants, but I believe it is a safe bet it would not please Him if I should forego real and basic human needs for a vainglorious wardrobe beyond my means. At the same time, I can’t help but view it as selfishness if I do not offer to Him what I am more than capable of giving.

If “God knows what’s in my heart,” then he also knows the reason I’m wearing a pair of khaki pants and last night’s shirt is because I didn’t want to bother finding my dress pants or taking a clean shirt out of the dryer! Someday I’d have to account to Him why He wasn’t worth just a slight extra effort, wouldn’t I?

Then again, if that pair of pants and old shirt are actually the best I can provide myself, God knows that, too.

What is important is that we give (willingly) what we are capable of offering and not let our prideful natures worry about what more or less others have of themselves to give.

I like what I once found written online by one pastor, "God certainly looks on the heart, but doesn't what we wear on the outside make a big statement about what's on the inside?"

For that reason, I believe the better derived moral is to wear the best that you can within your means out of your love for God. Remember, too, that we are Christians; as such, we are called to proclaim the glory of God that is in our hearts. This does not stop when we enter through the church door. We should proclaim to one another. By our dress during worship we publically proclaim the glory of God and our love for Him.

Equal Opportunity Sin

Modesty in dress is a topic I have noticed appearing more frequently in Catholic and other Christian articles and commentary. Intrinsically coming from that theme is the discussion of dress for church, proper clothing for worship, reverent modest attire, etc. These and all related subject matter have been extensively pondered, opinioned, and written about, particularly in the last few years.

Various articles written just this week concerning modest/immodest dress focus on the assorted concerns about the type of provocative garb, the social stigma accompanying refusal to follow the latest trends (no matter how odious), and the increasing broad age range of the offenders – from very young to senior!

Despite how much I personally agree with all the recent communications about the matter at hand, I believe they are all missing a newer, sub-focused key to the issue. Most all concerns for Catholic/Christian modesty on dress still center primarily on women. Modestly dressed woman remains a great concern and should always be. But we now find ourselves in a culture where men have to be just as mindful. In the profane nature of contemporary Western culture, immodesty is an equal opportunity offense and one that needs to be better addressed!

As with many things in this world, bad effects often are either ignored or apathetically allowed to appear in the erroneous belief that unfortunate consequences are always an inescapable result when enacting a greater good. It was such with the Women’s Movement ("Women’s Lib" when I was a child). One example of the positives is the awareness and correcting of such matters as equal opportunity and pay in the workplace. But the drawback is that in women wanting to emulate many aspects of what was deemed as a "male world," they adapted many of men’s bad behaviors. Casual and promiscuous sex and non-committed relationships are some of the many examples. What should have been happening at the same time is that men, when "busted" on this bad behavior, should have been called to conversion. Women brought themselves down instead of men bringing themselves up. A lot of men shamefully encourage and perpetuate this “equal opportunity” in the false notion of being enlightened or "evolved."

In the spirit of this bad conduct, we now see little in the current modesty of men acting in what often appears to be attempts for the non-stop attraction and tempting of women. Just as it is for women, men that knowingly tempt women in their acquired bad behavior is also the sin of scandal. Most assuredly, there are those who will roll their eyes in bewildered amusement – let them. I prefer to keep in mind the words of one who was graced to be spiritually wise well beyond her incredible youth:

Fashions will much offend Our Lord. People who serve God should not follow fashions. The Church has no fashions. - Blessed Jacinta Marto

to be continued...

Latin Meditations

Pray in Latin - Satan hates it!

graphic courtesy of Paul Nichols' Catholic Cartoon Blog

Mea Maxima Culpa

The Religious State is like the Promised Land; it is Paradise on Earth; it is a Great Grace. — Saint Alphonsus de Ligouri

This explains alot. I am so undeserving of any religious state within the Church. I assume the Church knows this to be so and well as many others! Indeed I am the greatest of sinners and the most unworthy of children.

Qui bono?

Who benefits?

It's amazing how absolutely tiresome it has become to still be reading the ad nauseam news, stories, essays, commentaries, etc. about the lack of vocations and men willing to become priests. (young is the magic adjective usually preceding the word men.)

Yet in this constantly bemoaned abyss I float as if invisible - the portion nobody wants and is passed over - the kid not being picked when choosing teammates. Maybe the day will come when I can be told what is wrong with me and why I am so bad.

Does it really benefit me or the Church?

Yet Another Comment on Humanae Vitae

This morning's high mass included Fr. D. devoting a small part of his sermon to the recent 40th anniversary of Pope Paul VI's encyclical Humanae Vitae.

Much written about and commented on this past Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, I had been lax in paying much attention to the expected bombardment of anniversary commentary whether it has been pro or con. Indeed, I have never put much study or personal importance on Humanae Vitae. My thought process was:

1. As both a cradle and "practicing" Catholic, I accept and believe (and not blindly) the True teaching of the Church about contraception; for me, personally, there was no need for the reaffirmation of these beliefs that were in Humanae Vitae (so I thought).
2. Even though Humanae Vitae is a papal encyclical of my lifetime by a pontiff I remember, it was simply a response to the faithful of the time that may have been wavering in traditional teaching, practice, and belief.

I suspect now that I was mistaken in both! What sparked my current extra-interest all of a sudden? Fr. D. happened to mention the insightful predictions made by Pope Paul VI in the encyclical. Reviewing it this afternoon and looking up some of the last few days' many news items and posts about it, I believe now that my careless inattention had much more to teach me than merely affirmations of Christian teaching about contraception. There was so much more to learn in its prognostic admonitions!

Many have evaluated this in a much more comprehensive way than I am capable of. I feel one of the best I found this afternoon is a great article, The Vindication of Humanae Vitae on First Things website. I highly recommend it. On the same site is a quick and good commentary I also recommend, The Anniversary of Humanae Vitae.

Few Are Chosen

My heart is still heavy as the result of dwelling too much on discontentment. Driving to work this morning, I couldn't help but be upset with myself for my lack of patience and selfish needs.

It has been over 3 years since Fr. H., the pastor of my previous parish, was reassigned out of my city to a small town in the diocese. A few short weeks ago I finally got up the courage to track him down and drove out to see him selfishly seeking someone to talk to about this painfully lonely anguish called discernment. Though he is no longer my pastor, he is the only priest I personally know and the only ecclesiastical person in the diocese that would discuss vocation with me. So I got dressed for mass and drove out there with butterflies in my stomach, scarcely believing my audacity thinking of the hopeful attempt to seek his council after mass before any of his official congregation got to him.

Finding the church, I accepted the bulletin the usher handed me as I entered, located an empty pew, and said my prayers before mass. As I seated myself after praying and opened the bulletin out of curiosity, there is was… A note in the bulletin announcing that Fr. H. was doing well in his surgical recovery and thanking everyone for the cards sent to him c/o the rectory. I immediately got up to see the usher; surely he could tell me what was going on! Poor Fr. H., who is not much older than me, had hip replacement surgery and was currently in rehab. It was obvious he didn’t know where Fr. H. actually was or an exact date when he may return from his recovery.

I didn’t stay for mass. I left not only disappointed, but also greatly ashamed at being disappointed because of my selfish needs while the poor man is recovering from major surgery. I sincerely pray for his recovery and have asked forgiveness for my self-interested behavior.

All of this brings this morning and this moment to my current state. Coming home from mass last Sunday and still experiencing the incredible emotions I mentioned in earlier entries, I attempted to call Fr. H.’s rectory. I wanted to know if he was back or maybe there was someone else to talk to. I left a message with my name and number on the answering machine and then carried the telephone around for 3 days. (Pathetic, huh?)

I guess I expect too much. Even if Fr. H. was not available, I had hoped someone might have at least conveyed back that this was the case.

This is a long lonely road and I pray for the grace is granted me to see and accept the outcome soon.

Many Are Called

A warm congratulation to my good work friend B. McIntyre! He was ordained to the priesthood in the Genuine Orthodox Church last week as Fr. Maximos McIntrye (taking his name from Maximos the Confessor).

Despite the differences in our faith, we are both strongly pulled to the unchanged Traditions of our Churches. He has continued to be a great friend in strength and support as my only personal resource of spiritual discernment and encouragement. Even when going through his own dark times of discernment, he was always there with a helping hand instead of a kick.

Devout, holy, and already spiritually wise at his young age, pray with me for his continued growth and success in his vocation!

He has just re-launched his own blog, The Orthodox Voice.

Frangar non Flectar

I am broken, I am not deflected

It is difficult, but I am struggling not to allow negative suggestions hold me back. I am in a better state of mind compared to the resulting emotional turmoil from yesterday’s minimal priestly advice.

I have realized that this is a cross with a burden I should be able to endure. How broken Jesus was during His Passion yet He never deflected on the road to Calvary! Can I do no less?

Nonetheless my endurance still wants to falter. One of the more painful aspects of the journey that, for me, remains difficult is the unexpected desolation along the way. My own dark night is not over; it is barely twilight. How bright the guiding light of the shepherds would be if only I was a sheep they wished to look for. I sometimes wonder, “Where is my Simon of Cyrene?” He may yet be there further down the path while I slowly chase the twilight into the dawn. When you are broken, hope is the only nourishing ray preventing disintegration!

Jesus is there to make my spiritual burden no more than a feather but my spirit is still too often eclipsed by the confinements of the sensory encasing that is trapped in this leaden, solitary darkness.

Yet a candle has remained lit. Though it is only recently I have finally recognized my slow waning into a mere shadow of myself since the initial rejection and unexplained repudiation of almost 4 years ago, a shadow can only exist in the presence of some illumination! I pray for the strength to fan the flame as I carry my cross so the shadow may fade and the true self is visible once again.

If you only knew what darkness I am plunged into. --Saint Thérèse of Lisieux

Called But Not Chosen

While reading Father Jim Chern's Blog today, the entry for July 5 stood right out for me:

Every one of us is confronted daily with opportunities to respond to what ever it is God has called us to, or we are tempted to fulfill some desire that we want... I’ve met more than a few individuals who God is calling to be a priest or a religious, but they jump from one thing to another - one job to another job, relationship to relationship almost trying to dodge God and they can’t figure out why they are still unhappy, still unsettled, still not as at peace.

From my personal perspective, these words ring so true. But what becomes even more frustrating is when you finally stop running and say “here I am” only to be met with non-stop resistance. Just as I did late this morning after mass, I now open up and tell the truth. I fell apart on the way home when the priest I confided to, though admitting he didn't really know me, suggested I forget any pursuit of the priesthood.

The anguish is unbearable. What gives?

Confiteor

Acolyte Envy (or Trying to Console the Inner Child Altar Boy)

How can one be guilty of the sin of envy while intently concentrating on the mass? Well, for one, my concentration was only visual. I allowed myself too much distraction to let my conscious wander. At daily mass this morning, I shamefully became aware of the sinful jealousy that has enveloped me these past few weeks, especially at Sunday high mass! My mind has moved from attentive participation to the covetous feelings toward the altar servers. This sometimes leads to a silly bout of self-pity which also isn’t too spiritually helpful, either.

Now that I write this, I realize the occasional judgmental righteousness might be slipping in on occasion. To myself I have sometimes wondered in my loud inner voice, “do they realize how lucky they are to be altar boys?” The servers at the chapel where I regularly attend mass have an age range from juvenile to adult. When needed, the adults that serve are from the order of brothers for which the chapel is attached; I don’t find my attention too sidetracked when they serve. Thankfully, the community that attends the chapel is blessed with no small amount of traditional aged servers of diverse years; these are the lucky stiffs I’m childishly letting get to me.

What I thought I let go of so many years ago still haunts me. As a young boy, the first thing I ever asked to do at church was to become an altar boy. Of course, you ask your parents first. My mother’s adamant “no” was the kind where I knew it would be pointless to pursue the matter and the disappointment had to remain silent. Over time, all other queries for permission of other involvements met with the same response.

It was hurt, not resentment, in my younger years that accompanied my disappointment. Instead of green eyes, I used to watch the other altar boys with wide-eyed interest. Sometimes I’d walk with a younger cousin to his parish where he would serve late afternoon masses on days of obligation or a Saturday vigil mass. I would watch with sincere fascination as he helped the priest while always guarding my boyhood pride by never revealing my frustration that I wasn’t allowed to do what he did so casually.

That maternal “no” and wish that was a letdown would probably be part of a myriad of those personal childhood moments that are part of growing up and confined to rarely visited corners of memory if it wasn’t for the great what if…?

What if I had been an altar boy? I like to think that my own vocation discernment might not have been arrested if I had the chance to be on the other side of the altar rail. It might have given me a different impression of having a vocation other than something that was bad or laughable.

The first time I had to face this memory was a few years ago when I was still an active lector in my former novus ordo parish. My pastor was surprised I had never been an altar boy and wanted to know why. I don’t remember what I told him, but I’m ashamed to say it wasn’t the truth. I didn’t want to admit it was because my mother wouldn’t let me (the 4th Commandment, you know). But the memory came to the surface (and has stayed) and along with it came the what if.

So here I am in my current vocational pursuits being told I’m too old or turned away for undisclosed reasons. I like to imagine if I had been an altar boy I may have had enough courage in my early adult convictions to pursue the priesthood without fear of family condemnation or social disapproval. More so, I think I needed more exposure to an ecclesiastical example of life that became more fearful and unknown to me as I grew older. Not that this would have guaranteed me the priesthood but I think it would have been different. …what if?

What a bumpy road it is! I can only be thankful that a light has shone to show me this bump. What a thing to let darken the gift of the mass. Such envy is shameful. I am so grateful the Holy Ghost was finally recognized and made me realize the diversion that has been attempting to separate me from Christ. I also think it’s time I said some prayers for all those wonderful young people we are fortunate to have that do get to serve at the altar.

Don't Curse the Darkness

Jumping late on the bandwagon, but because I want to, I finally start a blog.
Taking my queue from a couple of recent Catholic themed blogs I liked, particularly A Journey of Vocation and Dracut Musings.

I’m trying to see what light or insights I can bring while in a spiritually dark feeling diocese. Let’s see what develops.