I am broken, I am not deflected
It is difficult, but I am struggling not to allow negative suggestions hold me back. I am in a better state of mind compared to the resulting emotional turmoil from yesterday’s minimal priestly advice.
I have realized that this is a cross with a burden I should be able to endure. How broken Jesus was during His Passion yet He never deflected on the road to Calvary! Can I do no less?
Nonetheless my endurance still wants to falter. One of the more painful aspects of the journey that, for me, remains difficult is the unexpected desolation along the way. My own dark night is not over; it is barely twilight. How bright the guiding light of the shepherds would be if only I was a sheep they wished to look for. I sometimes wonder, “Where is my Simon of Cyrene?” He may yet be there further down the path while I slowly chase the twilight into the dawn. When you are broken, hope is the only nourishing ray preventing disintegration!
Jesus is there to make my spiritual burden no more than a feather but my spirit is still too often eclipsed by the confinements of the sensory encasing that is trapped in this leaden, solitary darkness.
Yet a candle has remained lit. Though it is only recently I have finally recognized my slow waning into a mere shadow of myself since the initial rejection and unexplained repudiation of almost 4 years ago, a shadow can only exist in the presence of some illumination! I pray for the strength to fan the flame as I carry my cross so the shadow may fade and the true self is visible once again.
If you only knew what darkness I am plunged into. --Saint Thérèse of Lisieux
It is difficult, but I am struggling not to allow negative suggestions hold me back. I am in a better state of mind compared to the resulting emotional turmoil from yesterday’s minimal priestly advice.
I have realized that this is a cross with a burden I should be able to endure. How broken Jesus was during His Passion yet He never deflected on the road to Calvary! Can I do no less?
Nonetheless my endurance still wants to falter. One of the more painful aspects of the journey that, for me, remains difficult is the unexpected desolation along the way. My own dark night is not over; it is barely twilight. How bright the guiding light of the shepherds would be if only I was a sheep they wished to look for. I sometimes wonder, “Where is my Simon of Cyrene?” He may yet be there further down the path while I slowly chase the twilight into the dawn. When you are broken, hope is the only nourishing ray preventing disintegration!
Jesus is there to make my spiritual burden no more than a feather but my spirit is still too often eclipsed by the confinements of the sensory encasing that is trapped in this leaden, solitary darkness.
Yet a candle has remained lit. Though it is only recently I have finally recognized my slow waning into a mere shadow of myself since the initial rejection and unexplained repudiation of almost 4 years ago, a shadow can only exist in the presence of some illumination! I pray for the strength to fan the flame as I carry my cross so the shadow may fade and the true self is visible once again.
If you only knew what darkness I am plunged into. --Saint Thérèse of Lisieux
2 comments:
Greetings on the Feast of St. Elizabeth of Portugal:
Welcome to St. Blog's Parish Hall. Glad to see that you are a Traditional Catholic! I'm the blogger of "A Catholic Life" and the creator of "Holy Vocations Blog".
And, good post!
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