Latin Meditations

Pray in Latin - Satan hates it!

graphic courtesy of Paul Nichols' Catholic Cartoon Blog

Mea Maxima Culpa

The Religious State is like the Promised Land; it is Paradise on Earth; it is a Great Grace. — Saint Alphonsus de Ligouri

This explains alot. I am so undeserving of any religious state within the Church. I assume the Church knows this to be so and well as many others! Indeed I am the greatest of sinners and the most unworthy of children.

Qui bono?

Who benefits?

It's amazing how absolutely tiresome it has become to still be reading the ad nauseam news, stories, essays, commentaries, etc. about the lack of vocations and men willing to become priests. (young is the magic adjective usually preceding the word men.)

Yet in this constantly bemoaned abyss I float as if invisible - the portion nobody wants and is passed over - the kid not being picked when choosing teammates. Maybe the day will come when I can be told what is wrong with me and why I am so bad.

Does it really benefit me or the Church?

Yet Another Comment on Humanae Vitae

This morning's high mass included Fr. D. devoting a small part of his sermon to the recent 40th anniversary of Pope Paul VI's encyclical Humanae Vitae.

Much written about and commented on this past Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, I had been lax in paying much attention to the expected bombardment of anniversary commentary whether it has been pro or con. Indeed, I have never put much study or personal importance on Humanae Vitae. My thought process was:

1. As both a cradle and "practicing" Catholic, I accept and believe (and not blindly) the True teaching of the Church about contraception; for me, personally, there was no need for the reaffirmation of these beliefs that were in Humanae Vitae (so I thought).
2. Even though Humanae Vitae is a papal encyclical of my lifetime by a pontiff I remember, it was simply a response to the faithful of the time that may have been wavering in traditional teaching, practice, and belief.

I suspect now that I was mistaken in both! What sparked my current extra-interest all of a sudden? Fr. D. happened to mention the insightful predictions made by Pope Paul VI in the encyclical. Reviewing it this afternoon and looking up some of the last few days' many news items and posts about it, I believe now that my careless inattention had much more to teach me than merely affirmations of Christian teaching about contraception. There was so much more to learn in its prognostic admonitions!

Many have evaluated this in a much more comprehensive way than I am capable of. I feel one of the best I found this afternoon is a great article, The Vindication of Humanae Vitae on First Things website. I highly recommend it. On the same site is a quick and good commentary I also recommend, The Anniversary of Humanae Vitae.

Few Are Chosen

My heart is still heavy as the result of dwelling too much on discontentment. Driving to work this morning, I couldn't help but be upset with myself for my lack of patience and selfish needs.

It has been over 3 years since Fr. H., the pastor of my previous parish, was reassigned out of my city to a small town in the diocese. A few short weeks ago I finally got up the courage to track him down and drove out to see him selfishly seeking someone to talk to about this painfully lonely anguish called discernment. Though he is no longer my pastor, he is the only priest I personally know and the only ecclesiastical person in the diocese that would discuss vocation with me. So I got dressed for mass and drove out there with butterflies in my stomach, scarcely believing my audacity thinking of the hopeful attempt to seek his council after mass before any of his official congregation got to him.

Finding the church, I accepted the bulletin the usher handed me as I entered, located an empty pew, and said my prayers before mass. As I seated myself after praying and opened the bulletin out of curiosity, there is was… A note in the bulletin announcing that Fr. H. was doing well in his surgical recovery and thanking everyone for the cards sent to him c/o the rectory. I immediately got up to see the usher; surely he could tell me what was going on! Poor Fr. H., who is not much older than me, had hip replacement surgery and was currently in rehab. It was obvious he didn’t know where Fr. H. actually was or an exact date when he may return from his recovery.

I didn’t stay for mass. I left not only disappointed, but also greatly ashamed at being disappointed because of my selfish needs while the poor man is recovering from major surgery. I sincerely pray for his recovery and have asked forgiveness for my self-interested behavior.

All of this brings this morning and this moment to my current state. Coming home from mass last Sunday and still experiencing the incredible emotions I mentioned in earlier entries, I attempted to call Fr. H.’s rectory. I wanted to know if he was back or maybe there was someone else to talk to. I left a message with my name and number on the answering machine and then carried the telephone around for 3 days. (Pathetic, huh?)

I guess I expect too much. Even if Fr. H. was not available, I had hoped someone might have at least conveyed back that this was the case.

This is a long lonely road and I pray for the grace is granted me to see and accept the outcome soon.

Many Are Called

A warm congratulation to my good work friend B. McIntyre! He was ordained to the priesthood in the Genuine Orthodox Church last week as Fr. Maximos McIntrye (taking his name from Maximos the Confessor).

Despite the differences in our faith, we are both strongly pulled to the unchanged Traditions of our Churches. He has continued to be a great friend in strength and support as my only personal resource of spiritual discernment and encouragement. Even when going through his own dark times of discernment, he was always there with a helping hand instead of a kick.

Devout, holy, and already spiritually wise at his young age, pray with me for his continued growth and success in his vocation!

He has just re-launched his own blog, The Orthodox Voice.

Frangar non Flectar

I am broken, I am not deflected

It is difficult, but I am struggling not to allow negative suggestions hold me back. I am in a better state of mind compared to the resulting emotional turmoil from yesterday’s minimal priestly advice.

I have realized that this is a cross with a burden I should be able to endure. How broken Jesus was during His Passion yet He never deflected on the road to Calvary! Can I do no less?

Nonetheless my endurance still wants to falter. One of the more painful aspects of the journey that, for me, remains difficult is the unexpected desolation along the way. My own dark night is not over; it is barely twilight. How bright the guiding light of the shepherds would be if only I was a sheep they wished to look for. I sometimes wonder, “Where is my Simon of Cyrene?” He may yet be there further down the path while I slowly chase the twilight into the dawn. When you are broken, hope is the only nourishing ray preventing disintegration!

Jesus is there to make my spiritual burden no more than a feather but my spirit is still too often eclipsed by the confinements of the sensory encasing that is trapped in this leaden, solitary darkness.

Yet a candle has remained lit. Though it is only recently I have finally recognized my slow waning into a mere shadow of myself since the initial rejection and unexplained repudiation of almost 4 years ago, a shadow can only exist in the presence of some illumination! I pray for the strength to fan the flame as I carry my cross so the shadow may fade and the true self is visible once again.

If you only knew what darkness I am plunged into. --Saint Thérèse of Lisieux